This is what your birthday card - the one I told you I had grandiose plans of writing - would have said:
Happy Birthday, my friend.
You are the peas to my carrots, the cheese to my mustard (your mom's kind).
You are the calm to my storm. Seriously. Like no joke. Seriously.
You are the Oprah to my Gayle, 'cause let's be honest - as much as I wish was Oprah, you are soooo her and I am soooo not.
You have taught me that soul mates don't just exist in romance, 'cause you and me = no romance - we don't even hug - but you're my soul mate. My girl one.
We met 15 years ago now and I often have to remind myself that you haven't been around for like my whole life, 'cause it feels like you have. You are my friend, my confidante, my sister from another tit-ster (I just made that up), and I love you.
Happy Birthday, my friend. Happy, happy birthday.