Sunday, May 13, 2012
There was a time, not so long ago, that I believed being a mom was simply not in the works for me. Not because I didn't want it, because I did. More than anything. Literally MORE than anything. I ached for it, I dreamed of it, and I begged the Heavens for it. But for a time, the Heavens simply said no. I thought I was being told "No, not ever," when really it was just a "No, not right now." Others knew that, but I didn't. Miscarriages will do that to you. Life is funny that way and, at the same time, it can be so very cliche. After all, I can't help but look back on those years of my life and think, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Is there really any other way to look at it? Because while I was grieveing my second miscarriage, someone else was beginning to make a plan for her unborn son - a plan that would answer my prayers. I believed that my miscarriages were the death of my dreams, when really, they were the beginning. So, when I least expected it, the Heavens came through and said, "There he is, the one you have been waiting for. Go get him." And I did, and I have rarely put him down since...even when I unexpectedley started carrying another one, too. The Heavens have a great sense of humor, just so you know. Today I celebrated Mother's Day as a mother of two -TWO! I would like to tell you it has been all cherries and roses, but that would be a lie. A big, fat, lie. Because sometimes there's vomit and sometimes there's screaming and sometimes I am pretty sure I have just said or done something that will inevitably send them to counseling for years. Outside of all that, though, there is HOPE and there is LOVE. Fierce, unbending, life-altering LOVE. Thank you, Heavens, for this life - this exact life - the one I was always supposed to be living. It all makes sense now. It really, really does.