My children have a way of reminding me that, really, I know nothing. It is important to be reminded of that as often as possible, I have decided, and so this time for Spring Break, we stayed home. Staying home with an almost 3-year-old Buggy and and an almost 2-year-old Toots (It's short for Tootsie, people.) is a perfect way to remind yourself that you, indeed, know nothing.
Spring Break Lesson #1: I know nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. Case in point, do NOT ask Nico if his lamb lollipop is yummy because he will immediately inform you, "It's not a lamb. It's a sheep." Well, shit. Alrighty then.
Spring Break Lesson #2: When all else fails, shove them outside. Make sure to scoop the dog poop first, though, in order to avoid poop being dragged all over your carpet and couch. Yep. Couch. All over your couch.
Spring Break Lesson #3: When the weather turns to crap and you are now forced to be inside, try Play Dough or finger painitng. Your children will eat it and throw it and cover themselves and each other in it. It will keep their attention for approximately 6 minutes and it will take at least 15 minutes to clean up, during which time your children will begin to KILL EACH OTHER over having to share the basketball.
Spring Break Lesson #4: When at Target to buy another basketball because you cannot handle one more second of KILLING EACH OTHER, do NOT run your cart into the poor woman in front of you whose 5-year-old son is watching in astonishment because no one has ever hit his mother with a cart before. Neither of them care that you were up 5,000 times the night before with a sick baby, so you are so tired you literally forgot you were pushing your cart with two children and a basketball in it, until you ran into her. Shit again.
Spring Break Lesson #5: When the thought of having to make lunch almost sends you over the edge, go through the drive-thru of McDonald's. Again. When you are done with your fries, begin eating your children's fries because they are so good, you just can't help yourself. When Noah tells you, "My fries," tell him, "No. Mine." He might even find that a little funny, which will make you feel a little better about yourself.
Spring Break Lesson #6: Hang out with besties. And their children. The children will do things like take your kids for skateboard rides and read them books at the library or even show them how to use a computer. All the children will prove to you, yet again, that age doesn't determine connection, and your love for all of them will grow.
Spring Break Lesson #7: Watch for garbage trucks. They. Are. Amazing.
Spring Break Lesson #8: Have dance parties. Lots of them. Put "Gangam Style" on repeat and party like it's 1999. For a little variety, occassionally play Shakira's "Waka Waka." Do not, however, play FloRida's "Whistle." That's all I am saying about that.
Spring Break Lesson #9: When your husband walks in the door a little after 5 on let's say, Thursday, pass him in the entryway, acknowledge his presence with a nod and a quick "Mama is done. I'll be upstairs." He will then load the children into the van for a trip to the Man Store (i.e. Home Depot) and after 30 minutes of reading, you will feel like you can go back downstairs again.
Spring Break Lesson #10: When Sunday arrives and it is 9:23 p.m., remind yourself that you only have two more months. Two more months until you get to do this again for two and a half months straight. And while you wonder for a second if you can really do that, you know that not only can you, but you want to. So badly it hurts.
Two more months, my loves. Two more months. I cannot wait.